Growing up

Today I proudly wore my green Friendship Christian All-Star Camp t-shirt to work.  I think it was the first time I’d worn it to do anything besides run or sleep since I got it as a seven-year-old basketball camper. (Yeah, I was a female Michael Jordan in the makings until my mom’s Asian height genes got in the way.) For some reason they gave both me and my friend Cat size large shirts; at first we could wear them as dresses.

I’ve finally grown into it.

~~

I’m currently surrounded by paper and origami frogs and markers and tape. I’m in charge of crafts for my church’s Vacation Bible School this year. That would be fine except 1) I’m not particularly fond of crafts,  2) I can’t cut straight, and 3) tomorrow I have to give the other craft workers the lowdown on what’s going down VBS week and I don’t really know what I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong -I’m not complaining (really…), and I’m glad for this opportunity to step out of my comfort zone (and by glad I mean that I’ll probably feel glad in hindsight. Right now I just have that weird but oddly familiar NOW PANIC feeling I get when I realize that I only have three more hours to write a paper. It also occurred that time CCF exec team staged mutiny and outvoted me to reschedule our meeting time. Confession, guys: when I said “Just let me run home and grab my meeting notes first”, I actually meant, “Let me run home and frantically write my meeting notes first.”).
I’m discovering that I have a tendency to voluntarily accept jobs where I have no clue what I’m doing or what’s going on. Pastor D is normally involved in these requests- sure, Pastor Bob, I can counsel six girls that want to get saved at one time. Sure, I can teach handchimes in another country where everyone speaks Russian with my two days of handchime experience. Sure, I can run crafts, I can’t even use scissors properly. I don’t know if these situations result from some twisted sort of self-confidence that lures me in only to desert me the night before, or some strange mode of youth pastor encouragement, but note to self: Pastor Bob’s ideas are dangerous. Resisttttt.

Or it could be just God’s way of saying that I need to let myself be stretched and pushed to trust Him. That I can quit worrying about what other people might think of me because He’s got my back. That I need to shut up and just devote my time to preparing what I’m supposed to do, fighting this procrastination-inducing fear that’s keeping me from serving Him. That I can ignore all these voices telling me that I’m too young and clueless because I have nice grown-ups around me that seem to think that everything’s going to be  just fine (this has admittedly proven true even during the handchime class in Ukraine). That’s IT’S JUST CRAFTS. And all the 6th grade boys will hate crafts no matter what, though I do have to say that these origami frogs are pretty suh-weet.

Rant done. I hate growing up. Sometimes I wish I could be 7 forever, just with better hair than my elementary school self. Help me tie my shoes, teacher. HUNTER PUSHED ME. Can I be the line leader pleasepleasei’mneverthelineleaderrrrr

heh. good night all.

(And because I said I would: check out http://www.chinglisher.blogspot.com! ^_^)

why hullo

Why hullo everyone.

Quick update: I can’t go to sleep because our A/C is down and I just got my wisdom teeth out so my mouth hurts. So hullo blogworld!

I got turned down from that other camp job I wrote about (so much rejectionnn), but am incredibly thankful for the job I do have now. I work about 40 hours a week at a Christian summer camp close by as the four to five-year-old group’s camp counselor. It’s crazy but fun. My kids are quite quotable and loving and pretty much adorable in a hyper sort of way. So far I’ve been bitten, kissed on the hand, and chased around (all in good fun, I assure you), and some of my kids are convinced my brother Justin (who also works there) is my husband/son. I’ve seen kids dusting the playground with leafy branches and a little ‘un slurping up spaghetti noodles with a straw. I was off two days last week for my wisdom teeth surgery so this was my first day back; one boy came up to me and said, “Miss Christine, I been askin’ about you!” ^_^ He also told me this: “When I was born my cousin died. But he’s back now.” I know as Christians we preach the resurrection of the body but um…

And since we’re taking the kids bowling tomorrow I had best try to get some sleep. Did you know they make XX-small bowling balls? They’re like five pounds and still require two five-year-old hands to carry. I saw some very interesting techniques last week, including the over-the-shoulder throw…

-Christine (just in case you’re not sure who’s writing this)

P.S. I am in huge blog debt as I owe posts (to my own fading memory and future posterity) on CCF retreat (which was incredible), beach week, future plans, philosophical thoughts…eh. We’ve got the summer to get to those, heh.

I need a vacation…

…in the form of CCF retreat, that is. Oh what a stressful three weeks it’s been. I’m emotionally worn out, physically tired, unmotivated to do homework, spiritually dried out. And my faithful little cell phone of three years died this week (may he rest in peace), which is quite symbolic I think.  So THANK GOD CCF retreat starts tomorrow!

I’m so tired I don’t even feel that excited, but I really am. Been looking forward to this weekend the entire year. :) Really psyched about seeing what God’s going to do. We have 14 students, 1 alum, 1 speaker, and our 2 advisors going. I don’t think this entire group of people has ever all been together, much less together for an entire weekend, so it’ll be fun getting to know everyone and seeing how all the different personalities interact. Our retreat topic is interpersonal relationships, which should only add to the fun. ;) I can’t wait for hours of praise and worship and quiet time and the talks and cooking together and just enjoying being surrounded by so much CCF love. Only one rehearsal, a class, and a tour stand in between me and RETREAT FREEDOM!!! Seriously cannot wait. :D

P.S. Just an update on all those applications I rushed in earlier this semester -got turned down by both music festivals (not a surprise. But I heard from them both on the same day, which was disappointingly funny) but am still waiting to hear back from the camp counselor position. Thankful God’s in control.

Strong Enough to Save

My God is strong enough to save.

From darkness into light, from brokenness to healing, from hatred and anger into love and peace. He is a God who loves to transform us, if we just give ourselves to Him.

Oh He is REAL. Sometimes He just seems like a pile of adjectives to me, two-dimensional, far-off. Ohhh how that doesn’t even begin to describe Him. This weekend I’ve gotten to see just a little bit of how STRONG and FAITHFUL and BEAUTIFUL and LOVING and REAL He is. We can reach out to touch Him -He’s always waiting for us to come to Him. He works miracles everyday. Ask Him to prove Himself and oh, He will. PRAISE THE LORD  for His mighty hand, doing real work in real lives. He’s conquered death and darkness and sin and floods our souls with life and light and righteousness. Man I wish I was at liberty to tell this whole story, but I’ll just say that He doesn’t do things half-way. :)

“Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present [ you] faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, [be] glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.” Jude 24-25

 

baby walruses

Home for spring break. It’s awesome being home with the fam and spending time with Mel (who went home a few days ago), Jules, and the Ts who are visiting us from Chicago. Also gotten to spend some good time with V, and Jules and I are hanging with the Josh tomorrow. yahoo! So much food, silliness, sleep, and wuv this week.  God has blessed me with so much! A decent amount of homework has gotten done, but not nearly enough practicing. My baby (flute) has been in the shop, which is horrible for my embouchure but really good for him. Hopefully he’ll (yes, my flute is a guy) come back nice and sparkly and clean and not-broken…

Some quotables from this week:

Hu-ster, on speaker phone: “Nah, I don’t have a cold. I’m just a little teary-eyed.”
Jules: “Which drama are you watching?”
Hu-ster: “What, you don’t ask me about my emotional state, you just assume I’m watching a drama????”
Jules: “…well, are you?”
Hu-ster: “Yes.”

~~~

Me, to Edward, an 8-yr-old friend staying with us: “Edward, look I can wear your shoes!”
Edward: “Great Scott!”

~~~

Me: “Well, what if it’s better to have six kids than five? Because if you had five you’d have an odd number and if you ever need to split up one parent would always have one more than the other.”
Jules: “That’s okay, I’d just eat the extra one.”
Me: “…you’d eat your extra child??????”
Jules: “What, you were talking about children? I thought you were talking about us having extra food.”

~~~

While playing Apples to Apples:

Justin: Virtuous…
Ethan: The Common Loon!

~~~

Justin: “Tickling Ethan is like wrestling an alligator.”

~~~

Jules: “Baby walruses just flobble around.”
Me: “Flobble????”

~~~

Jules: “You can’t name your dog Jefferson. Dogs have names like Buddy or Flobble.”
Me: “Flobble????”

~~~

Yesterday six-yr-old Andrew sat in my big desk chair and swung his legs back and forth as he counted all the way to 200 during hide-and-seek. I wish I still found things like counting to 200 worthy of excitement and congratulatory high-fives…

more poetry

“…They were those that would have wept to step barefoot into reality,

That would have wept and been happy, have shivered in the frost
And cried out to feel it again, have run fingers over leaves
And against the most coiled thorn, have seized on what was ugly
And laughed…”

-from “Large Red Man Reading” by Wallace Stevens

 

The ability to feel, be it pain, sorrow, happiness, or even cold, is a gift.

Christ gives us the freedom and ability to really LIVE, to really FEEL. And we can hope and laugh and cry and feel pain, embracing both joys and disappointments because God gives us the freedom to fully experience life and the grace to handle it all. Sometimes I refuse to let myself get my hopes up, or really enjoy things just in case God decides to take those blessings away. I have this weird fear of being crushed with disappointment. But that’s cowardly living, stunting His grace and forgiveness from wreaking love and peace and joy and transformation on my little weak scared heart. He allows difficult things in our lives BECAUSE He loves us. He loves us too much to see our hearts being taken by anything besides Him. He loves me too much to let me stay the way I am. So here’s to life, Jesus. Ima embrace this chance to “step barefoot into reality”, to know what it means to say “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away [BUT] blessed be the name of the Lord.”

 

oh hey

I would just like to say that I’m incredibly thankful for the AMAZING people God’s put in my life here at UVA. I think it was during worship at XA when I realized how incredible it is to be surrounded by so many fun people with a desire to know God. I can’t believe I only have a year and a half left with these awesome people…the sort of camaraderie I enjoy with so many people in college is not something I’m likely to have after graduation, so Ima soak this up while I can! Love you all <3

Speaking of cool people, here’s a quote from dinner with J.Case and Aaron earlier today. We were discussing artificial intelligence:

J.Case: “I think when robots start enjoying the products we program them to make, then we should draw the line.”

Aaron: “No, I think it’s when robots start beating us on dating shows. When they start stealing our women, then we’ve got a problem.”

hahahahahaha yesss for Monday dinners in Newcomb. :)

Goldfish Crackers in a Chili Bowl

So one of my profs likes to have us write poetry in the style of authors we’re discussing during class. Today’s assignment was to write a few lines about something grotesque we’d seen this week, all in the style of William Carlos Williams. What I wrote ended up being more…well, something I would write: really tongue-in-cheek. And slightly morbid unless you know what I’m talking about, but the only two people present for this particular grotesque sighting probably don’t read this. So I’m basically posting this for the pleasure of being the only who holds any semblance of knowledge as to what I’m talking about. I have to get my power trips somewhere (hehe…).

When no one else was looking

I drowned them

Unintentionally, of course

They smiled silently when I first saw them

Each smile lost in a sea of same faces

So I set them free, throwing them

into the vegan-red sea specked with brown and white legume buoys

I thought they’d thank me but

they ungratefully sank

their cheddar tails slowly flailing, soggy

…perhaps I was wrong.

(For explanation of poem, please see post title. I am not that morbid, I promise.)

Yours.

I said it’s all Yours,

God of all things.

I surrendered blindly,

jumped with closed eyes.

That was the only way

I could trust,

my faith too weak to leap

with my eyes wide open.

So I squeezed my eyes shut,

plunged,

wildly trusting.

You told me You’re worth trusting

That You would never let me go

That You love me more

than I can imagine

That You work all things together for good

Prove it.

Please.

Open these frightened eyes

and give me grace to see

Blessed are they that believe

and have not seen

But Lord,

have mercy on this one

who needs to see

You

who needs to see You

work, alive and well, specifically moving

with purpose

But even if

I cannot see

to believe

Feel free

to claim what’s Yours

(myself and mine).

I’m wearing a lot of pink right now…

Because that’s what Valentine’s Day is: a lavishly commercialized excuse to wear ridiculous amounts of pink (busted out the pink and red striped knee socks today…) and eat chocolate.

Cynical (but so true! amiright?) view aside, God definitely used some amazing brothers in Christ to make me feel valued and special today. 小熊 sent each of the girls on CCF exec team (which is everyone, because he is the only guy on exec haha) an extremely sweet and encouraging facebook message this morning saying how he appreciates and supports us. What a sweet little brother in Christ!

Thennn, I was at Chi Alpha later tonight and their campus minister was telling us about his first date with his now-wife, which he had (accidentally) scheduled for Valentine’s Day. He gave her roses with a card that said something along the lines of, “Even though we haven’t known each other for long, I think every girl deserves roses on Valentine’s Day.” At that last phrase, ALL the guys in the room got up and walked out of the auditorium, returning with roses for each girl there! asd;flkjadf;lkjasdf;lkadsf;ljasdf it was the sweetest thing ever. Really appreciated how they took the effort to make their sisters in Christ feel valued. :)

Then I talked on the phone to my daddy, who is one of the kindest people in the world to begin with. He told me he bought Mom a key lime pie for Valentine’s Day hehe.

I feel like Jesus Himself has also been pouring on the blessings today. It was a GORGEOUS day today -definitely the warmest and most beautiful day of 2011 so far. I was able to practice for two hours today (which is really good because I normally feel way too stressed about homework to put that much time in and I desperately needed the practice!) and my homework went by fairly quickly. The Lord threw some lovely people in my path today, folks I don’t normally see, including some English classmates from last semester. And one of the verses they read in Chi Alpha during worship was Isaiah 43:4, which is my favorite verse in the entire Bible. Teehee thanks God for the encouraging little blessings you gave today!

One of my best friends from high school got engaged today. I’m still kinda in shock at the fact that the youngest Musketeer is getting married. Really happy for them though, congrats Nate and Jess! :)

One of my best friends from college tried to convince me and the facebook world that she was in a relationship with some imaginary super-smart punk at Johns Hopkins. In a relationship my shoe. haha

Read this in William Carlos Williams’ Astrophel today: “We have stood / from year to year / before the spectacle of our lives / with joined hands.” I found it to be a very deeply concise description of a committed relationship in the midst of an otherwise rather strange and morbidly enchanting poem.

And, the adorable Vira provided the quote of the day, in response to the question of what one does during a time of singleness: “Study.” You preach it, sister.