Waiting

I’m waiting

still.

It seems long now,

the way five minutes drags on

for a kindergarten student with a full bladder;

the way the night before Christmas

spans anxious reindeer eternities;

the way a love song stretches beyond

oceans, destinies, and its stubborn clichés

Are we there yet?

Come back in five years

I’ll be waiting still

With different clothes, same heart

[no promises]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You promised.

Meaningless, of course

since trust and patience

shriveled up long ago

I ate them, for breakfast

in my bitterness mistook them for raisins

[shriveled things once tender and good,

quite a natural mistake]

Mother always said eating such would

cause gardens in my stomach

That explains the churning

I once accounted for as anger

and love

locked in conflict

No matter,

I’m used to indigestion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It will be worth the wait,”
she assured me gently,
as if she held my future in those soft eyes
I want nothing more than to believe her
I swallow instead, lest
word slides out from between my crooked teeth
that I think she’s wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wrong testimonies

life experiences I can’t believe

because they’re not mine.

my pain, my sorrow, my broken pieces

mineminemineminemine

I grab onto the mistakes

surely I’m allowed those

as no one else wants them

They fall

I fall

I fell

Where is this love that keeps

me from falling?

The hand that stays

my course?

Invisible, unfeeling

lost

to me.

And again it returns to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No good thing

will He withhold

from them that walk uprightly

No? No good?

No good in me?

To walk uprightly, to

not stumble,

or faceplant into green pastures

He restores

He can, but will He –

wills He?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That, My child, was when I carried you.”

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